Radical Self Honesty
One of the primary ways we deepen our relationship with God,
and how our humanity grows into the freedom and fullness of life it is called
to, is through ‘self-knowledge.’ Perhaps
it is even more far-reaching to say that it is through the path of conversion,
which is the main thrust of our vow of ‘conversatio’. In one of my recent chapter talks I noted the
desert story of Abba Poeman where it is said that ‘every day he made a new
beginning.’ We begin the new day not
with the same issue that was plaguing us the day before. In other words, we have not ‘let the sun set
on our anger,’ on our resentment, on our festering hurt, on our harsh judgments,
on our presumptions, on our incessant murmurings and irritations. No! We
make a new beginning by engaging in the process of our conversion, by finding
the needed insight or simply turning, turning away from any of these things to
the One who will bestow on us ‘truth and grace’, liberation from this kind of
bondage.
Some years ago I gave a chapter talk on an excellent article
by Columba Steward, OSB entitled: “Radical Honesty About the Self: the Desert
Fathers”. It is interesting to note that
Michael Casey in his book on humility called Living In Truth has a
chapter on ‘radical honesty’ basing himself on this article by Columba
Stewart. Indeed, honesty about ourselves
makes us humble. In fact, can we imagine
humility without living this ‘honesty’ at any given moment of our lives? Stewart begins his essay by saying: “Fundamental to monastic ascesis in the
formative period of eastern monasticism was the practice of a disciple’s
‘manifesting thoughts’ to an elder for discernment. All that lay hidden in the heart was brought
out into light, where things could be seen as they truly were, free from the
distortions of obsession and confusion.
The relationship between young monk and elder characterized by charity
and absolute trust, made possible this vital means of growth” (A.I.M.
Monastic Bulletin, p.32). In looking
at this text the first thing that jumps out to me is ‘things seen as they truly
are’. Such a seemingly simple reality
but so difficult because we are blinded…blinded by our defenses, excuses,
rationalizations etc. To see things as
they truly are, to see them apart from our obsessions and our confusions: this
is the work of self-knowledge…this is the work of conversion. Because it is so difficult for all of us ‘to
see things as they are’, the early desert tradition emphasized this practice of
‘manifesting one’s thoughts’ to an enlightened elder. The thoughts that swirl around our minds and
hearts, to bring them out into the light with a companion at our side does help
us to see more clearly what is going on.
Also, I think you would agree, if we reflect on our experience, to bring
forth what is happening in the heart with another often frees the ‘hold’ that these
thoughts can have on us. Columba Stewart
says the following about the early desert monks’ commitment to radical honesty:
“This honesty touched everything they did, beginning with their own hearts
opened to the light of truth, and served as the basis of the relationships they
enjoyed with one another and with the societies around them, freeing them to
see God” (p.42). Michael Casey will
refer us to humility and he says that “if humility is truth” then a significant
part of the practice of walking the way of humility is manifesting these hidden
thoughts because we are subject to ‘delusion’.
You may wonder: why am I bringing this up now? There have been a number of experiences in
the past weeks that have made me aware that if we do not live at this level of
openness of the heart, these ‘passions’ as they were referred to in the early
monastic tradition, these thoughts (logismoi)
begin to get the upper hand on our interior lives and then our whole lives
are negatively impacted. The goal is not
to have it all together…rather the goal is simply to be on the path, on the
path of humility, a way of ‘truth and grace’, a way of growing in purity of
heart, in purity of intention.
To make a new beginning each day is to begin each day
walking this way of radical honesty before God and one another. I think we
would all agree of the importance of ‘radical honesty’ on the monastic
path. The difficulty is bringing this self-disclosure
to another. Columba Stewart puts this
question before us: “Is there something about sharing the secret of one’s heart
with another person…which liberates in a way that solitary confession in prayer
does not?” (p.42). We must not forget
that radical honesty about our selves opens us to grace; it leads us to
becoming more Christ-like. And
‘manifesting thoughts’ to another is a way of freeing us from our defensiveness
and making sure we are seeing with the heart and mind of Christ.
Sr Kathy DeVico
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